Before They Fizzled Out

I really miss 2007. 2007 was the year of Russell Brand, The Mighty Boosh, too many indie boys in too many indie bands, skinnys that were too skinny, Emo, Myspace, being a young idiot, loving a boy I should never have loved, seeing The Cribs once a month pretty much, being a fucking “artist”, sitting in the sun, wandering aimlessly around town, bowling shoes, slush puppies and not worrying about stuff. 

I want 2013 to be as good as 2007, if not better. I want to be a more confident person this time next year. I don’t want to still be in the same job I am in right now, my New Years Resolution is to be…happier.  ..And to drag Russell Brand home, back-comb his hair and make him recreate Shame in my living room. 

Finished the first Hunger Games book today, so nice to have time to read what I want again!

I may write a review of all the books I read from now on, see if I’m any good at this writing malarky. 

Ugh, better get ready for an 8 and a half hour shift at work. THIS IS MY LIFE NOW. No more universty, just work.. Not a fan of this really.

Can a be a popstar or journalist now? Thankyou please. I don’t want a grown up job. 

Am I the only one who finds it impossible to not do a feminist critique of every film you ever watch? 

My thoughts lately:

1) MY DISSERTATION IS FINISHED!! I can tell you how Victorian women used supernatural fiction as a metaphor for patriarchal oppression in 12,000 words. BOOM. 

2) Why must so many people in my history class use feminism as the butt of jokes? IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY AND EVEN IF IT WAS…IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY.

3) I openly squee with how awesome and developed all the female characters on Game of Thrones are, we all know that’s a rarity.

4) FEMINISM IS NOT THE BUTT OF YOUR FUCKING JOKES. 

5) I’m currently writing a critique of a country house estate guide and I don’t fucking want to.

6) FEMINISM, IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY. 

The end.

I’m fed up of women who think it’s okay to insult their own gender, why can’t they realise that they are only holding themselves back, it’s not a form of empowerment.

When a girl who studies history says that she automatically assumes that books or articles written by women are rubbish, how does she not realise that she is insulting herself, and by her own opinions no-one should take seriously anything that SHE writes. 

Fucks sake. 

Angry Emily is angry today. Sometimes it’s tiring carrying all these opinions through life! It just fucking sucks when all the things you believe in get kicked. 

‘I genuinely don’t find female comedians funny…. Am I the only one???’

I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THIS AGAIN. Why is it so hard for people to realise that female IS NOT A GENRE?! I also don’t want to be working at a place that has taken part in the unpaid work scheme for unemployed people. (Not Tesco.) And as a vegetarian I don’t want to see PETA using domestic violence as a way of advertising a vegan lifestyle. 

Please world, send me happy thoughts. 

Always depressing when you see old pictures of yourself when you only had one chin! 

Lately I’ve really lost interest with music. I stopped getting excited when I played gigs and I haven’t written a song I like in about 6 months.

I put on my twitter tonight that I’m not doing it for a while, cus I just felt like telling the world a bit about how I’m feeling. The best way to describe how I feel is that I’m stagnating.. I hate whatever decent recordings of my songs I have because they were written so long ago, I hate the cd I used to sell at gigs because I don’t like most of the songs anymore, so I’ve stopped selling it, it’s all old and dull and repetitive. I hate that I rarely get paid, and you constantly have pubs using you to make money but not giving you any. Or people who put on nights and charge of fiver at the door and you don’t see a penny because they know that you want to perform, so you won’t demand a penny. I’ve been gigging for four years and I’m still usually first on the set and a token-female acoustic singer.. There has been no evolution and I’m sure that that is largely my own fault. I also hate that I’ve just started to lack any inspiration. 

I’m bored of playing all the same places but I just don’t have the passion I used to have to want to travel to gigs. I’m just sick of it, and this feeling terrifies me.

I’ve wanted to be a musician since I was about 13, and slowly over this summer I’ve just lost all energy for doing it. I don’t know where this feeling has come from, but suddenly I don’t want to do it anymore. Part of me is relived because I always feared I’d be one of those people who didn’t achieve their original dream in life so would just always be a bit unhappy and constantly wondering ‘what if?’ I never wanted that.

But I really don’t know who I am without music really, I don’t know who I want to be. Music is the roots on which I’ve formed my personality I guess..so what am I without those guys?!

It’s pretty scary for me if I’m honest, I’m hoping it will eventually click back into place and I’ll enjoy it again, because without it I’m not quite sure who I am.

Sorry about the overly pretentious post, but I just felt like writing about it. I feel all fuzzy and strange.